Another way to love wasteland *puts it on repeat*

wasteland perfectly describes my feelings right now, after seeing the results, it hurt me so much that it left my heart in a heap of wasteland. My heart is like a wasteland now. I feel nothing,but yet i still feel the pain of the wound. I'm seriously gonna hate myself this time, for the outcome of the result can only be the result of my own doing.

"where is she? where is she now~" "where did u go? where did u go????" "GO, GO,Go! you left my heart in a wasteland" 

Where is that someone who would comfort me now? i think i can start acknowledging my friend's mum as my godmum. She called me early in the morning to ask me abt the results, so much worried than my mum, waited for the results with me and comforted me, she has done the things i needed right now. luckily i have her, what a blessing it is. 

My i got my first round of results, though i told everyone:" its good, its good. How bad can it be anyway? " But the sadness in me, its so big that even i can't contain it, and it kinda showed in my face. Even my mum noticed it. I don't want her to see me like this ( tying this early in the morning cos she's still asleep) I don't want her to see me so weak and helpless. Ok, maybe i don't wanna see my mum right now, she's the last person whom i want to know the state i am in now. (my dad too.. in fact my whole family.) Yet i don't understand why i treasured the care and concern that my friend's mum has for me than any other. She's like the mum that i never knew i had.  Could it be that i never did treat my parents as my own?

Can time please stop now? i don't want to go on anymore,i don't want to know what the future hold for me anymore. Please stop, Please end it already.

shuhui signing off (with tears and wasteland playing)